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February 28, 2020

Zimbabwe Patient: Doctor, my ears are falling.

Zimbabwean doctor: Oh, this is some bullshit! And what did you do?

Patient: fucked geese.

The Doctor: So you have a goose fuck bullshit disease!

Patient: Thank you, Doctor! (dies)

The Doctor (records): The patient died of goose fuck bullshit disease.

Zimbabwe Ministry of Health Press Service: In Zimbabwe, 2,500 people died of starvation last week, 5,400 from rotten bananas poisoning and one from goose fuck bullshit disease.

Journalist (writes down): Goose fuck bullshit is on the list of three major causes of mortality in Zimbabwe.

News Agency: In Zimbabwe, incidences of incurable goose fuck bullshit disease have increased.

TV channel: A previously unknown disease called goose fuck bullshit is affecting Zimbabwe's population.

The Ministry of Health of Zimbabwe is urging the population not to panic.

Science star A: Yes, goose fuck bullshit disease is not known to science - and that's the main threat.

Congo Air Airlines: We cease all flights to Zimbabwe until the end of the goose fuck bullshit disease epidemy.

Science star B: Authorities are hiding the real scale of the disaster! In fact, the goose fuck bullshit disease has already penetrated Europe - a sneezing Zimbabwean with a goose under his arm was seen in Amsterdam.

The Press (Posting Photos of Geese): "The Roaring Killers Are Around Us"

Politician: In order to tackle the worldwide epidemic of goose fuck bullshit disease, it is absolutely necessary to exterminate all geese.

Police : That's right, it will be fulfilled.

Goose Farm Owners: Who the hell are you crazy about? (they fight beautifully with the police under the flickering of press flashes)

The Goose Farm Owners Conspiracy Threatens National Security!

Hoffman La Geese Pharmaceutical Company: The only salvation for all those infected with goose fuck bullshit disease, as well as those who are healthy but afraid of becoming infected, is our new drug, 'Shitflu'. Drink at least three months at 5 tablets a day. Side effects include nausea, vomiting, hair loss, nails and teeth, seizures, decrease in IQ of about 30, but are only observed in 75% of cases. If you experience any of the following symptoms after starting your medication course, do not interrupt your treatment but contact our regional distributor for other medicines to treat and cure.
For your convenience, our shopping and advertising centers around the world are marked with a 'red cross' sign, and our distributors wear white uniforms.

Gooseheyzer Pharmaceutical Company: We have just created the first and only vaccine to protect the population from goose fuck bullshit disease. We recommend immediate mandatory immunization of the entire population.

Government: To prevent the epidemic of goose fuck bullshit disease we are introducing mandatory vaccination for the whole population!

Eco-activist: Goose bullshit disease vaccine causes dementia, autism, Parkinson's, seizures or death in 90% of cases! I refuse to vaccinate my children! (self-ignited in protest)

Gooseheyzer Pharmaceutical Company: These are the mean insinuations of incompetent individuals with extreme anarchist beliefs. We carefully tested the vaccine on a group of volunteers sentenced to death as serial killers. In none of them, after vaccination, was not observed a decrease in the ability to play the harp, to solve private differential equations, and to have compassion for defenseless animals.
 Therefore, our vaccine is absolutely safe and harmless!

Government (after 55th self-ignited protest eco-activist): People have a democratic right to decide whether or not to vaccinate their children. To prevent an epidemic among vaccinated children, we prohibit all non-vaccinated children from attending kindergartens, schools, cinemas, theaters and traveling by public transport. We oblige anyone who is not vaccinated to wear a yellow goose ribbon with a size of at least 15 cm in size on one of their hands.

The Internet Society: At the beginning of every medical forum, moderators introduce an important topic: 'If, once again, someone tries to persuade people in that forum that the goose fuck bullshit disease vaccine is dangerous to people's health and life, and the goose fuck bullshit virus is harmless, it will be banned without warning! '



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